Paige Deur

A desert, devoid of fruition
Barren, from years of neglect
Praying for rain.
Then you washed over me, and I bloomed.

Stifled and gasping for affection
Wanton for connection, but never satisfied
Drowning in desire.
You breathed into me, and I gasped devotion.

Lost, foraging for meaning, for purpose
A foreigner to love’s labors
Begging for solace.
Your star appeared to nurture me home.

Now, I am a mystery—even to myself
An enigma-filled mirror
Reflecting on who I was.
Thankful for the virtue you restored in me.

I never would have imagined—
That coming to this place
Would give me the chance to experience—
God’s transforming grace.
I didn’t deserve His favor—
But He gave me a second chance.
What He saw in this sinner—
I’ll never understand.
I didn’t deserve His faithfulness—
But He stayed right by my side.

He was there with me in my darkest days—
As I sat on my bed and cried.
I didn’t deserve the peace He gave—
To a mind that had lost control.
For all the hurt and pain I caused—
And the innocence I stole.
I didn’t deserve His forgiveness—
I felt so alone and lost.
He told me to take my guilt and shame—
And place them at the foot of the cross.

I got on my knees and promised—
To follow Him wherever He’d go.
He carried me through the wilderness—
Leading to my spiritual growth.
Sometimes we get what we don’t deserve—
Don’t let it go to waste.
Have faith and believe in the power—
Of God’s transforming grace.

Jesus,
When I felt unworthy,
You traded Your life
For mine.

When I felt unlovable,
You showed Your love
With Your very life.

Jesus,
When we were
Unforgivable,
You said Father, forgive,
For they know not what they do.

When we declared You
An enemy,
You declared Your peace.

Jesus,
Overcome my doubt,
Though I believe.
Only You can give me faith.

And, not because I am good,
But because You are kind,
I repent.

As I kneel by my bed
At the close of a weary day,
I bury my face in trembling hands
And tears fall as I pray.

Oh, God, as unworthy as I am,
I beg one thing of Thee—
Lest at times I stumble and fall,
Please hold on tight to me.

You know my many questions
About things I don’t understand;
So guide me, Lord, and teach me
As You take hold of me again.

And through this night
I beg with pleading heart—
Keep me in Your mighty grasp
And never let me part.

And while yet for many days
I may be in this world of man,
Please, dear heavenly Father,
Keep me in Your mighty hand.
Amen.

In an instant, my fractured life was shattered.
The just hammer of righteousness slammed down;
The impact resounding—deafening.
Shards of my broken past, like broken glass,
Lay at His feet in a million pieces,
Sparkling brilliantly under the true light of the Son.

Not the king’s horses nor all the king’s men,
But only the Father of creation, by His grace and love,
Can put it all back together again.

Piece by piece as it pleases Him,
Rebuilding with His purpose in mind,
He’s putting my life of brokenness
Back together according to His plan.

Despite our pain and anguish
And the tears we cry,
He makes the excruciating bearable
Through His unfailing love,
Promises in His Word,
And His faithfulness to finish what He’s started.

That instant marked an end,
And also a beginning,
Of a beautiful new life,
No longer fractured
But now brilliantly reflecting You and Your glory.

By Your sovereign hand, Abba Father,
Guide us through this season of hope.

The Lord our God is holy, I know—
And only the pure in heart may go
Into His presence and see face to face
The sovereign in His lofty place—

Above the clouds, beyond every star;
The touch of His hand yet, never so far:
But with each breath, His Spirit within
Cleansing the soul from dark’ning sin;
Lifting my spirit to bathe in the bright
And wondrous discerning—His marvelous light:

So that I may now, this moment in time
Perceive the eternal, the righteous sublime
That I may be granted such expectation—
To kneel at His throne in adoration,
In humblest of worship and thankful praise—
For mercy I’m brought to the ancient of days:

Made worthy to come by the blood He shed
—the pow’r of His victory in my stead;
Made clean, made pure, within His sight—
Restored in soul by His grace and might;
Refresh’d from the wearying paths I’d trod
—to Christ be the glory—
That I might touch the heart of God!

I will praise the Lord God;
I will lift Him up in honor.

He is my true love,
The one I can truly trust in all things.

He has made me in His likeness.
He has called me to be His child.

Oh Father, You are truly good;
Nothing can be compared with Your love.

Blessed truly is the one who looks to You,
The one who rests in Your unfailing love.

I believe all that You have said,
That You will never leave me nor forsake me.

I will wait on You with trust,
For You are the one that has saved me
From my old life and gave me a new one.

You are the one I truly desire to follow.
Hear my cries to know Your ways, Lord.

I awake with joy and great expectations
Today I’ll gain family from every nation.
In my earthly life, I had only sisters and mother,
But today I gained a Father and a brand new Big Brother!

Filling my heart with unspeakable love,
I now belong to my Father above.
Now God is my Father and I need no other,
And now I have Jesus as my new Big Brother.

Not a brother who’s against me and causes me strife,
But one who stands daily and mediates for my life.
He begs the Father, “Forgive him for things he may do.”
So now I must change and a new life pursue.

My new Father loves me like no earthly one could,
He sent my Brother to die for me, crucified, nailed to wood!
His sacrifice for me will not be in vain!
I will obey Him, cherish Him, and let my love fall like rain.

In my new family, there will be many more,
More siblings than stars or sands on the shore!
From the day I was born, this has been His big plan,
That I should be delivered by His righteous right hand!

I was made for a purpose, to be a priest and a king!
And through the whole universe, His glory will I sing!
All good things He gives are a gift just for me!
My Father, my Brother, my new family!

An acrostic poem.

Heavenly Father, please light my way.
I feel so alone, in darkness I stray.
Shine down Your light, turn this darkness to day.

Please waken the love down deep in my soul.
Revive me, O Lord, may Your mercy flow.
On my knees I cry, “O Lord, please forgive.”
My sin says to me, “You never will live.”
In my heart, I know that You, Lord, are true,
Speak to my heart as only You can do.
Envelop me, Lord, in Your perfect love.
Shower me, Lord, in Your grace from above.

All of Your children are held in Your hands,
Rounded about by unbreakable bands,
Enveloped in love at heaven’s command.

These truths can be found in God’s holy book,
Revealed by His love when you take a look.
Understand as you do, He’ll show to you,
Every promise that He gave us is true.

Does the sun look upon the moon
and wonder how it shines?
As we lay at Jesus’ feet and ask for signs
Does the ocean look upon the sky and pray for rain?
As the free man dances, insisting he’s in chains
The world outside is thus what we create
Tripping self-made traps and calling it fate
Yet we continue to see the answers and still ask why
Distorting the truth and self-perpetuating lies
So open your eyes and try to see
That even while imprisoned, you are still free
Remember the mind of God dwells within
In doing such, you are free from sin
This is what we were taught by the Son
That we have always truly and ever will be one